Have you ever wanted to hear someone share all about their experience with me and the work I do? I get it, hypnotherapy is weird! In this podcast, two past clients share all the details of their experience with me and how it’s changed their life and is still working after our time together.
Read moreGetting Unstuck with Teri Kerr!
Do you ever beat yourself up because you procrastinate and don’t get everything you want accomplished in a day? We all do. Carrying around way more guilt than we need to over wasting time.
In this episode Christy and I talk with Teri Kerr about her perspective on procrastination and how you can change how you think about it completely so that you have peace and get more sh*t done!
What we hit on:
Permission to procrastinate
Different types of procrastinators
How to tame social media
Hockey
Her dog Indie’s Twitter page
How Teri came to name her business Unstuck Duck
Creative Warrior
Reevaluating how you’re living your life
Teri Kerr is an Executive Coach and Empowerment Strategist with the Unstuck Duck Coaching. She helps women entrepreneurs to create a career (and a life!) that is both fulfilling and profitable, by overcoming the self-sabotage that keeps them stuck in the muck!
Teri is a hockey mom, cancer survivor, creative warrior and bad ass ball of sunshine from Victoria BC Canada. When she's not empowering people to live life with purpose on purpose, she is networking, painting, canning pickles or hiking with her golden mountain dog Indy.
Learn more about Teri:
Website: unstuckduck.ca
Instagam: https://www.instagram.com/unstuckduck/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/unstuckduck/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/unstuckduck
Indie’s Twitter page: https://mobile.twitter.com/MyIndigoGirl
You Idols Are a Clue to Your Genius
Do you have any idols? Anyone who you look at and wish you could be just like them? Or maybe you’re jealous.
This week Kelly shares the magic we can find when we pay attention to who we idolize. It holds a key to learning about our genius. Listen for the exact steps to learn more about how you are meant to show up in the world in a more authentic way.
Things we talk about:
How your idols hold the key to your genius
The steps to find out why you idolize the people you do
One of Kelly’s idols and one of Christy’s
What to do if your idol has a quality you aren’t currently using in your life or business
How Kelly combines business with intuition and genius
How business is spiritual
Kelly’s info:
‘P.S. You’re a Genius’ Order HERE
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kellytrach/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kellytrach
You don't need any more experience. Just do it!
We are continuing the conversation with Kelly Trach about Genius. This week Kelly shares why you don’t need more time or experience to start reaching our goals. In a world filled with information, and feeling like we need just one more thing to get it right, this hit hard!
What if you know everything you need to know right now to do what you need to do right now to reach your dream?! What if your genius has been there all along even when you didn’t know you were using it?
Things we talk about:
How needing more time and certifications can be a limiting belief
The concept of ‘The Red Thread’
Recognizing how your genius has always been there
One of Kelly’s powerful formula for shifting how you speak about your genius
Cosmically shifting the universe toward everyone doing their unique genius
How to go after your dream when you don’t know how
When genius usually shows up in a way we recognized
YOLO
Kelly’s info:
‘P.S. You’re a Genius’ Order HERE
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kellytrach/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kellytrach
Finding Your Genius with Kelly Trach
You are in for a treat for the next three weeks! We are talking to Kelly Trach about Genius. What it is, how to follow it and why it’s the most important part of success. As usual, Christy and I are finding out what it means in real life- how do we really find our Genius among kids, jobs, and crazy life stuff.
And Kelly shows us! In this first of three episodes, she shares what genius means. What it looked like for her to follow her own genius and a really cool story of one of her clients connecting with her genius to create a business she loves (that has a great cashflow too!)
Things we touch on:
Kelly’s impressive and cool history of working at Tesla, speaking for Uber and NASDAQ, studying in Paris, etc.
Defining ‘Genius’ in Kelly’s terms
Who are the geniuses in our world and how they work differently
How the marketplace is changing and finding your genius is the key to thriving today
How genius and intuition go together
A red recliner in a cabin in Canada…
Kelly’s info:
‘PS: You’re a Genius’ Order HERE
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kellytrach/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kellytrach
Healing Through Grief Part 3 with Ariel Arnson
Today concludes our conversation with Ariel. Christy and I feel like we’ve been given a gift through Ariel’s story and are so happy that we get to share it with you. Please let us know what you think! This is a little different for us and we’d love to know if it resonates with you. We believe this topic is so important and seeing it through Ariel’s eyes was really powerful.
This is the last episode in a 3 Part series. If you missed the last two you might want to go back and listen. Please be warned the topic is the death of a loved one so you can decide if that’s right for you right now.
Ariel Arnson is a Rapid Transformational Therapist and coach, her mission is to guide people in reconnecting to themselves, their body, mind, spirit and enhancing that relationship by reconnecting them to live in the knowingness of their inner truth: I AM ENOUGH.
Ariel’s info: https://www.arielarnson.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ariels_cosmos/
The Messy Path Podcast: https://www.arielarnson.com/messypath
Healing Through Grief Part 2
Today we continue with Part 2 of Healing Through Grief, Ariel’s Story. This episode focuses on all the ways Ariel was being prepared to be there for her dad- even though she didn’t know it was coming. And even though her intentions for healing were for her own reasons. Christy and I unknowingly got to be part of this journey.
We love Ariel’s perspective and how rich her experience is as an empath. The process of watching her go from overwhelmed to empowered is really cool to see.
As a reminder, if you feel that listening to the heaviness of the death of a loved one is too much for you right now, then we invite you to skip this and the following couple of podcasts since this is a 3 Part series.
Ariel Arnson is a Rapid Transformational Therapist and coach, her mission is to guide people in reconnecting to themselves, their body, mind, spirit and enhancing that relationship by reconnecting them to live in the knowingness of their inner truth: I AM ENOUGH.
Ariel’s info: https://www.arielarnson.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ariels_cosmos/
Healing Through Grief- Ariel's Story Part 1
Today we are going in a little different direction than usual. Christy and I are interviewing Ariel Arnson about the experience she’s had with the recent passing of her father. She shares vulnerably and powerfully a view that is in contrast with what can be very sterile in our culture. We want to share the gift or Ariel’s story with you.
If you feel that listening to the heaviness of the death of a loved one is too much for you right now, then we invite you to skip this and the following couple of podcasts since this is a 3 Part series.
Ariel Arnson is a Rapid Transformational Therapist and coach, her mission is to guide people in reconnecting to themselves, their body, mind, spirit and enhancing that relationship by reconnecting them to live in the knowingness of their inner truth: I AM ENOUGH.
Ariel’s info: https://www.arielarnson.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ariels_cosmos/
Healthy Boundaries for the Holidays
Last week we talked about judging a situation so that you can make a wise decision. So what if that decision is that you have to set some healthy boundaries? Well, since we currently DON’T learn this stuff in school, Christy and I are going to give you some real life examples and actual scripts to communicate clearly with your family this holiday season- and year round. Man, I wish I had this when I was starting to set boundaries!!
In this episode we talk about:
How we learn as kids the opposite of boundaries
What to do when someone doesn’t like your boundary
Boundaries as a practice
Ways to prepare for the holidays now
Visualizing yourself successful
It’s OK to be a mess while learning this stuff!
Book and People mentioned:
Gabor Mate
Glennon Doyle’s book “Untamed’
Dr. Nicole LePera’s book “How to do the Work” and @holisticpsychologist
Nedra Glover Tawwab’s book “Set Boundaries, Find Peace, A guide to Reclaiming Yourself”
Our websites:
Confidence is Everything
How often have you seen someone with incredible talent go unnoticed while someone with less talent succeeds?
Why is that? Why can you have a brilliant business idea and solid plan to bring it to fruition, and still not get anywhere?
Confidence.
That’s the only difference between success and failure. Confidence in your decisions. Confidence in your abilities. Confidence in yourself.
It’s not about being extroverted, or beautiful, or starting out rich. It’s about believing in yourself. Believing that this idea you have is worthwhile. That your services are worthwhile. That your decisions are good. No one does this perfectly. Many of those succeeding doubt themselves often. But they keep going. They are confident enough to take action forward.
Here are 3 practices to cultivate in your life to make confidence, and therefore success, a habit.
Praise yourself. Here’s the deal. You are a human. Humans need encouragement. You can either get it from the outside- by dancing around like a crazy person trying to perform for and please everyone else. Or you can generate it within. One method is exhausting and unsustainable. The other is a little boring but terribly effective. Every day add a time to your morning routine where you spend a few minutes thinking about things you do well. Wins you’ve had. Conversations and actions that you’re proud of. Compliment yourself. Write it down or speak it aloud. This will train your brain to focus on how well you’re doing- and this will fill the real need to be praised and encouraged.
Note: If someone says something to you that encourages you a ton- add that to the things you say to yourself regularly. Otherwise you’ll go perform for that person’s praise and waste your time and energy. I’ve done that more times than I’d like to admit! We all have our flavor of praise we love. Learn yours.
Work on your self worth. I don’t know what this means for you. But I know you need to figure it out. It may mean working with someone like me- getting to the root of any old beliefs keeping you feeling worthless and removing them. It may mean taking days off to read books and take naps. It may mean working with a shaman or breath-coach or business coach or taking long bike rides or surfing. I believe you’ll know what you need to do. If you feel like crap about yourself, it’s time to put on your big girl or big boy panties and deal with your stuff. In my opinion this is the ONLY thing that differentiates people who succeed from people who don’t.
We all have junk in our trunks. Those who succeed hire help to clean that sh** out. I don’t care how much is in there, you can get freedom from it. I know because that’s what I do everyday.
Trust your vision. Success is not a straight line. There are ups and downs- translation- there are times your heart is ripped out and times you feel like you’re the best that’s ever been. That’s normal. You’re right where you need to be. Life is leading you and you can’t screw this up. You can’t miss it. Your vision is there on purpose because you’re supposed to get there. When you have a crappy day, go back to step 1. If you have a crappy season, go back to step 2.
You have your dream because you’re supposed to accomplish it. That makes sense right? You don’t have the dream so you can spend years in frustrated pursuit of nothingness. So, as much as you can, enjoy the journey. Look around. Enjoy these people in your life. Enjoy your family. Your cat. Your dog. Your plants. Enjoy the view. Enjoy your wins. Enjoy what you’re learning. Enjoying your life releases feel-good chemicals that make you more confident.
Praise yourself, work on your self worth, and trust your vision. Pretty soon, you’ll realize you've reached a goal or two. You got this!
The Stories We Tell
Every human has a slew of stories that run their lives.
“I’m too tall.”
“Our family is just poor and we always will be.”
“I’m Irish, that means I’ll always have anger issues.”
“Since no one came to my event, I must be a failure. Maybe I’m not even supposed to pursue this dream.”
“I can’t.”
“I’m not smart enough.”
“I know that things will always work out.”
These stories are either helping your life, or making it hard or even impossible to achieve your goals. We have stories around how much money we’re allowed to make. Whether we can live in a certain house, or if we’re a good parent. We have stories about other people. “If he really loved me, he’d pick up the clothes and put them in the hamper!”
Stories can be long term or short term. Meaning you can have a story that runs your entire life- like “People like me just don’t get to have nice things.” Or you can create a story around a circumstance.
Changing your story, changes your life. The most important truth to know is that stories can and do change. You have the power to rewrite your stories. In order to be happy, you’ll need to learn this skill.
Here are 3 Steps to begin to change your story today.
Be aware of your current story. You can’t change what you can’t see. So be aware of the things you tell yourself every day. What are common phrases in your mind about your relationships, work, and health? Write a few of them down. One example of a crappy story you’d want to change is, “People don’t want to hear about what I have to sell.”
Decide what you’d like to see instead. Most people never do this. They wish, they hope, they get frustrated. But they don’t simply decide what they want. Take some time to write down 3-5 things you want to see happen this year. For example, instead of being frustrated about people not wanting to hear your offer, list 3-5 people you’d like to work with. Or 3-5 companies that would benefit from your services and be great to work with.
Take action! Once you notice the story you have that needs to change, then choose what you want, next it’s time to act. Start to tell yourself a different story. Start to live that new story. Start to say, “People want to hear what I have to say. I have something to offer. I’m going to share it with people so they can reach their goals.” Then send the email! Make the phone call. Write the post. Be the person those clients want to work with.
It’s simple, but guess what? You’re mind responds to this simple process in amazing ways. Stories are our connection to the subconscious that runs 95% of our lives. Give it a try today and see what happens.
To learn more about overcoming overwhelm and running your business with peace and confidence, reach out to lifeback@cyrinatalbott.com. Cyrina Talbott is owner of The Mindset Transformation Company. www.cyrinatalbott.com
What if you only had 5 years to live?
I haven’t read this book, I just heard an interview on it. Do you ever do that with books? You feel like the interview is good enough? I do! I also read a ton of books as well so I think it’s OK. Forgive me if I broke a rule about talking about a book you haven’t read. I’m sure it’s a rule somewhere…. The book is called, ‘The 5 Regrets of the Dying’ by Bronnie Ware. I think about this a lot. I think everyone should.
Some people only have one midlife crisis. In my opinion, that’s nowhere near enough. I recommend them at least once every 3-5 years. Really! It’s so good to evaluate how your life is going. Are you where you want to be? Are you living up to your potential? Are you doing the thing you were put on this planet to do? I believe we all have a God-given purpose and if we don’t stop and take some time to look at our lives, we could miss it.
That’s the number one regret of the dying. ‘I didn’t do what I was here to do, because I cared too much what other people thought.’
Think about this! What are you here to do? For me the last two years have been a big deal for getting realigned with this. The first was my career. I was in the health care field for almost 20 years. I worked in hospice and residential facilities for people with developmental disabilities, and I did in-home health care for elderly and disabled. I love every person I got to meet. But I kept wanting more. Ever since I was little I’ve loved learning about how our brains work. About human behavior. And helping people to heal. I’m passionate about helping people heal emotionally.
My job was not completely aligned with this. My clients were dying, or permanently disabled. That sounds horrible, but it took a different skill set then the one I was desiring to use. This isn’t bad. I just wasn’t my purpose. You see what I’m saying right? I was doing the job, and loving it, but not truly aligned. So there was always nagging. Always this tug on my heart for more. A bit of dissatisfaction followed me wherever I went.
I knew that this wasn’t what I could see myself doing in 10 years. So I did something about it. I looked into and found training that was more aligned with my purpose. It was scary and hard and took faith. But the thought of living with regret motivated me. So did showing my kids how to actually live the life you’re supposed to be living.
This happened again in the last 6 months with my husband and I and where we live. It started with this podcast. The guest talked about making this list of the things that are most important to you if you only had 10 years, 5 years and finally 1 year to live.
So my husband, Travis, and I made our lists. Separately. Then talked about them together. On the top of both of our lists was travel and hiking in mountains. Which were not making a priority at all. So we decided to change that. We decided to move into the mountains. And live where traveling to many amazing sights is doable.
Read moreAre You On The Winning Team?
Did you ever watch a kids sports game where one team is just pummeling the other? It’s 38 to 0 and they just keep going. At some point everyone just wants someone to end the agony. It’s not a fair fight, that’s dreadfully obvious.
Your subconscious is that team that has 38 points. And you, in your conscious mind have zero. That’s because your subconscious runs 90%, some scientists say as much as 97% of your life! So anytime you try to change behaviors or habits, you are up against this powerful subconscious team. Godspeed is all I can say. And all that anyone can really say.
You can’t beat ‘em. So you really should join ‘em! The wonderful thing about our mind is that in the end we are on the same team. It’s more like a scrimmage. So in order to succeed at changing any belief that’s holding you back, you can simply go over to the subconscious side. How?
The subconscious brainwave state is called Alpha. The conscious is called Beta. So getting into an Alpha state is key. When are you in Alpha? Every human operates in this state regularly. Kids from age birth to 7 or so, live there. That’s when we get programmed. As adults we live in Beta, unless we are doing the following:
Watching TV
Zoned out while driving or on our phones
Reading a book
Meditating
Praying
Right before we get up or fall asleep
While in a “flow” state- where you’re creating and lose track of time
When you’re exercising and get a second wind
In hypnosis
So if you want to change a habit, now you know some good ways. One of the most effective of these is hypnotherapy, because it’s a very purposeful environment. You don’t usually choose to reprogram your mind while running or watching tv. Those are times you’re focusing on other things- like breathing or what items you should Marie Kondo out of your house. Meditation has been proven to relieve anxiety. I highly recommend it. As well as prayer.
Rapid Transformational Therapy on the other hand, combines the benefit of being in the Alpha brainwave state, with components of talk, cognitive behavioral, and neuro-linguistic programming therapies. So you get amazing results because you’re on the winning team. Which is really your team anyway. It’s the part that’s really running the show. That’s why people get rapid results.
One client was struggling to have good relationships. Her conscious knew that she was a good person who deserved people in her life who would treat her well. Her subconscious didn’t really care about that. It kept leading her to people who treated her like crap. Then she would have to end the relationship, then she’d be alone. Which is not a fun way to live your life.
So in a Rapid Transformational Therapy session, we were able to find out what was going on with the 90%, her subconscious, that was choosing crappy people. What we found out was that she was programmed when she was a kid to be around mean people. She had a big family and her sister treated her terribly. While her mom was too busy with the other kids to notice too much. So she never got healthy, loving attention. She got treated like she wasn’t wanted.
This part was winning 38-0, no matter how hard she tried. Until that session. Now her subconscious is working FOR her. Knowing she never has to be treated that way again. That was when she was a kid, now she’s an adult and free. She knew that consciously, but had never communicated it clearly with her subconscious. And never looked at exactly what the subconscious was holding onto. This is powerful stuff!! Healthy relationships are the whole point of life. You can never be truly happy if you keep having painful interactions and connections with people.
Now she’s using that 90% to find amazing relationships.
This isn’t a space where we blame and hate our parents. There are no perfect humans. So each and every one of us have experienced things in these formative years where we get programmed about our self worth and how to relate to other people. In a session we are able to deal with the issue and release our parents, who after all were just doing what they were programmed, as well as ourselves.
I love this so much. May is Mental Health Awareness Month. My goal is to shed light on all the shame and stigma related to those fighting this battle that’s literally 90% rigged against you. So for anyone struggling, I hope that you see that you’re stronger than you think. You’re outnumbered, but you still show up! You’re brave and courageous! But if you’re still struggling, I really want to encourage you to join the winning team. You can win this. You can change those beliefs and change your life. You got this!
If Moms Got Trophies
A friend told me the other day that moms should get trophies. I so love this idea! What would your trophies be? If I could send an actual trophy to you, I’d send a few. If people get trophies for sports, dance, business of the year, acting and art, surely moms could. This mothering gig is long! It takes endurance and strength! And no, this is not a participation trophy! These are hard won, with blood, sweat and tears.
So today make a spot somewhere in your home. And take a minute to imagine some trophies there. Not because you’re a bitter woman who needs them. But because you’re a mighty woman who’s earned them.
The Birth Trophy. OK I just looked this up. So the closest sport to giving birth in my opinion is running a marathon. I’ve given birth to four kids and would never run a marathon. But I don’t think there’s any other event that comes close to the length of time it takes to give birth right? Maybe it’s apples and oranges, I don’t know. But the winner of the Boston marathon gets $150,000!! So I’m pretty sure it’s fair to give you a “Birth Trophy.” Yes you get the baby. And yes that’s worth more than any amount of money. That’s not my point. My point is to be freaking proud of yourself for bringing life into this world!
The Adoption Trophy. I am involved in an organization called ‘Welcomed’ that supports foster parents. I am in awe constantly of the strength,courage,love and general ‘badassery’ it takes to foster. And I’m also aware that these moms don’t want the credit. They just do it. It’s hard and so needed. If you have the ability, please check out www.welcomed.org and help.
The Sleep Deprivation Trophy. Sleep deprivation is a very common and effective tactic used to torture humans. If you want to get your enemies to comply keep them up for a long time. Maybe get them up every hour or two for 6 months to a year, maybe even two years. Oh wait, that’s what every mom does all over the world the first year of her baby’s life!
The Negotiation Expert Trophy. You are mom. You make rules. The children don’t want to follow those rules. Depending on the level of sleep deprivation, you are amazing at negotiation. “Two more bites of peas, and you’ll get dessert.” “Brush your teeth or you’ll have to pay for part of the dentist bill.” “Go to bed right now or you’ll go to bed early tomorrow night.” “Don’t swear at Grandma’s house or I’ll kill you.” “If you get a speeding ticket you pay for it.” “Stop arguing with your sister or you’re going to sit and hold hands on the stairs till you get along.” “You have to be in the photos or no one will know you exist.”
doesn’t everyone worry this much?
I never used to think of myself as anxious. I thought it was totally normal to:
Stay up after a visit with friends and run through the conversations to make sure I didn’t say anything wrong.
If I did say anything slightly wrong or off in any way, wonder if I just ruined the friendship.
Wonder if everyone thought I was stupid.
Call to apologize for every wrong step. This is good if you have offended someone. But I did it for minor things the person didn’t even remember or notice.
Think that if someone was upset, it must be something I did.
Not trust that anyone just liked me for me. I always thought there was an ulterior motive or people were just putting up with me because they were kind. Or patient.
Think, “I don’t belong here. I shouldn’t be here.”
When I’d go places with my kids it was even worse.
I’d feel absolutely judged by everyone.
If my kids cried I was sure people were thinking I was a bad mom. That I should never have brought my kids to this place.
Before we’d leave the house, I’d want to back out and stay home. This was frustrating because we had 4 kids and getting them all ready to go could be a major process!
My husband would have a couple of them buckled in the car and this feeling of dread would come over me.
My kids were little. Crying, being rude and getting a little out of control were par for the course. They were not perfectly quiet. And no one but me expected them to be that way at a restaurant. So I’d get in the car and go because by this time the kids were excited and I couldn’t back out. And I would have absolutely no fun out with my kids. I couldn’t relax or get the feeling of being judged out of my head.
Read moreHow are you tending the trees in your mind?
You have neuropathways in your brain that are like trees. Caroline Leaf, a congnitive nueroscientist, explains that fear filled thoughts are like a tree with no leaves, gnarly and dead looking. And a faith filled tree looks lush and alive. Isn’t that crazy?
So 20 years ago they thought if you had a fearful personality, or anxiety or any emotional issues, that was it. Your tree was just dead looking and always would be. And if you were positive, you were just lucky.
Now scientist can stick brain-measuring devices up to our heads and measure and study what’s going on in there. They found out these trees can change! You can bring a dead tree to life! This is good news. This means anxiety, depression, out of control anger, and a fear filled life, are not a life sentence.
So how do you get from fear to faith? From gnarly to thriving? You must understand the Rules of The Mind as Marisa Peer discovered that make Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) so effective.
The mind loves what is familiar. We are wired to stay safe and alive on the planet. We used to be tribal people. There was strength in numbers, and danger in the unfamiliar. So our minds want to keep the status quo in order to feel safe.
The mind moves toward pleasure and away from pain. This seems super obvious and it is. But if your mind has linked pain to success you won’t succeed. If you have thoughts like “That’s so hard!” or “I’ll be all alone if I succeed. I might make people hate me.” Then your mind will move you away from the “pain” of reaching your goals.
Your mind responds to the words you tell it and the pictures you give it. What kinds of dialogue are you having in your mind each day? There’s a proverb that says “Life and death are in the power of the tongue.” Think about your inner conversations. As well as pictures you’re giving yourself. Are you seeing yourself being “pulled” in so many directions? Are you seeing yourself “stuck” in this situation? Are you seeing yourself “beat up” or “running on empty”? These pictures and words will fee the trees in your mind. Either with faith or fear.
If you raise your hand and realize, ‘Yeah Cyrina, I’ve been living in fear too much.’ Then I will tell you, “Good job!” as I mentioned in last week’s blog,. That’s amazing. The fact that you raised your hand is the key. Most people never get that far. If you realize there’s been fear filled words and pictures, then you are EXACTLY where you need to be to change. And there’s no human that gets this right all the time.
Read moreCelebrate the falls!!
I have four kids, and I witnessed all of them go from crawling to walking. My oldest was 7 months old when she took her first steps! With each kid, we were so excited about those days and weeks as they were taking their first steps.
The process was:
Hold on to the furniture for less and less time as you bravely stand alone
Get brave and take one step
Fall down immediately
A soon as you fall, the family erupts in applause. By the time it was the fourth kid's turn, she had an audience of 5!
I don’t know if it’s because I have so many kids, or what, but man oh man I wish we did this throughout life! Potty training was similar, sometimes my kids were cheering for me when I went to the bathroom as well!
Unfortunately, no one cheers for adults when we fall. Cheering when others have failures in their lives, is not my first response. But the truth is much more close to my babies learning to walk or use the toilet. That’s what it really is!! I learn so much from failure! We all do.
I love this quote by Tony Robbins. “Success in life is the result of good judgment. Good judgment is usually the result of experience. Experience is usually the result of bad judgment.”
There’s a new trend in education and business to understand growth mindset. The new science is showing we can grow at any age no matter what. The old thought was that people had a fixed mindset. Fixed mindset is just how it sounds, the thought that a person is too old to learn, or just bad at math. Growth mindset uses the latest science in neuroplasticity, the fact that our brains are like plastic and can change quickly. Rapid Transformational Therapy uses the principals of growth mindset to quickly effect change in peoples’ lives. People can choose a fixed mindset, but that’s no longer a life sentence.
Growth mindset celebrates the falling down! I’m so excited about this. My friend Christy and I talk about what her kids are learning about in school, in one of our podcast episodes. They’re learning about the “dip". This time when you’re learning about something new and you’re in the wobble and it’s really uncomfortable. Marisa Peer calls it making the unfamiliar, familiar. If you’ve ever changed a habit, you know this. I wrote a blog here about it.
What these kids are learning is that it’s normal and good to fall! They can accept and encourage each other. I love that! I’d love to see a movement where adults can celebrate the failures as part of the process of getting to our goals and dreams.
When a baby falls when learning to walk what do we say? The first thing out of our mouths is…. “GOOD JOB!” Think about that.
Read moreWhat if you're the perfect person for the job?
Our podcast, The Whole Point, will be coming out soon. It’s been a really interesting process to share ideas and talk into a microphone, with the idea that people will actually want to hear what I have to say. I’ve had to work through wondering if people actually will want to listen.
I’m learning the truth about all of this, that yes people will want to listen. Not because I’m super cool. I’m not! But because we humans are created to connect and I have gifts and helpful info to share. I also have some wisdom because you get that from doing stupid things and I’ve done lots of stupid things!!
Side note along these lines- when you’re recording a podcast, don’t say “ya” a million times while your co-host is talking. They’re really hard to edit out!!
It’s been this amazing process of asking, “Is it OK to be ‘me’ in my business? What do I have to give people? And is that enough? If I’m really myself, will people reject me?” In this process, I’ve realized I’m not really funny. I do say things that are funny unintentionally…. Not the same thing. I’m also not very peppy. I don’t have good fashion or makeup sense. (To guys this isn’t a big deal, but for me as a woman it was!) And even though it’s a podcast and no one will see me, this still ran through my head!! I read Jen Hatmaker’s posts and I so wish I could be wittier. I love her. But I’m not witty. I am calm and peaceful. This is great as I hold space for people to heal, and when I used to do hospice. But as we were creating the podcast, I was like, “Will I sound boring?”
So if you’re in the same space, where you know you’re here to show up and be seen, and a little unsure about that, I have a few tips as you keep reading. If you’ve got a call on your life to do something great, and you have enough faith to believe that you can do it. You know something bigger than you is leading you to more. If you’ve been wondering if being you is good enough, I have some good news. YES!!! A million times yes. It’s OK to be you. Totally and thoroughly you. Isn’t that crazy? I love it!
Are you called to sing, or act, or write a book? Are you called to lead a group, or start a business? Are you called to talk about your passion with people? Is your big desire to make people laugh, or hold space for healing? Do you believe that you purpose on this planet is to help people get physically healthy? Do you dream of creating art that connects people in amazing ways? Do you know you’re called to give to orphans or be the best mom for your kids so they can grow and change the world?
Then I want you to know something. That call is NOT a mistake. Your personality is perfect. Your weirdness is perfect. Your face is perfect. When Marisa Peer shares her message all over the world that we need to tell ourselves everyday “I am Enough” this is what she’s talking about.
Read moreThe first half and second half of life. Which one are you in? Or are you in between?
I’ve been reading Richard Rohr’s book, “Falling Upward, A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life.” He takes Carl Jung’s concept of having two halves of life and applies it to spirituality. It’s fabulous. I also re-watched Wayne Dyer’s movie, The Shift, which beautifully demonstrates what this might look like in real life.
In my mind, Rapid Transformational Therapy is a bridge between the halves. We grow up learning what the world is like. Developing our ego as Jung says. Wayne Dyer calls it E.G.O, edging God out. When we’re in this first half, we have rules and constructs to lean on. We have right and wrong and good and evil. We don’t need to rely too much on God, because we know most of the answers. We have dogma and religious rules to keep us in line and let us know where everyone stands. This is good. As Richard Rohr shares the idea that it’s good to have this secure system, so that we have something solid to dissect in the second half of life.
In the first half we adopt ways of dealing with life when it doesn’t perform the way we think it ought to. When we can’t please everyone, or be perfect like we think we must, we need to have some ways of numbing that pain. We learn rules like:
I must be perfect
If you pray everything works out
I need to please everyone
I don’t want to make waves or hurt people
God loves those who stay in line and stay safe
If I’m a good girl, or good boy, everything will work out
If I work hard, everything will turn out the way I want
I must perform to be loved
And for a while all is well. Until it’s not.
We find ourselves anxious, depressed, drinking more than we should, addicted to porn, in the middle of an affair, or divorce, or death. The rules have let us down. At this point many people decide one of two things. God let me down. This was not how life was supposed to work out. Or I let God down, I’m not his good kid. I’m less than. I no longer deserve a good life. Maybe I never did.
Read moreCan anxiety be working FOR you?
If the check engine light came on in your car, you wouldn’t cover it up with a sticker. Or sell your car. You’d look for what’s causing the light to come on, right?
Before vehicles had warning lights, they were much more likely to break down. So the engineers decided to install the light as a warning to protect from further damage.
We have also been engineered with some ‘check engine lights’. Anxiety is one of them. This is a good thing. If you’re struggling with anxiety, it’s time to see what’s going on to cause it. Unfortunately a lot of us are told we have to just live with it. And get different “stickers” to put over the light that don’t get to the root. I see clients often with one of two kinds of anxiety.
There’s what I call chronic anxiety and normal anxiety. It’s like pain. You have chronic pain, then you have good, normal, pain like when you burn your hand on a hot pan.
Chronic anxiety is when you just can’t relax, like ever. And if you do, it’s most likely with the help of something like alcohol, zoning out on social media, shopping, sleeping, etc. You have a really hard time being present. And when you’re present, it can actually hurt. You’re trying really hard to be perfect. You think you must be on guard all the time to keep yourself aware of your surroundings so that you feel safe. Either safe from people who might hurt you, or safe from screwing up or doing the wrong thing. You feel like if you “let go” like everyone says to do, the whole world will fall apart. This may include panic attacks, chest pains and insomnia.
That’s exactly how I felt years ago. I was so scared I’d mess up and fail and hurt people that I was constantly overthinking and beating myself up. Rehashing conversations, criticizing every move I made. Second guessing myself and apologizing a lot. I’d zone out and worked too hard.
The root of chronic anxiety is childhood programming. At some point you (like me) had one or many experiences that taught you that you’re not good and not safe and not enough. So most likely you’ve been dealing with this feeling of being unable to relax, since childhood.
A solution to reducing chronic anxiety is to reprogram those thoughts. This can be accomplished by:
Understand that peace is the normal set point. We can live a life of feeling good about ourselves. THIS is normal. Don’t settle till you find it.
Be aware that you’re operating in a way that isn’t healthy. It may feel so normal- like it did for me- that you don’t even know another way. But if you can’t relax and you can’t stop the mean and worried thoughts in your mind, this isn’t healthy.
Replace the negative thoughts with a healthy positive thoughts. Start to say any or all of these statements often until they’re your dominant thoughts.
“I am enough”, is a powerful truth about who you really are. You are enough.
“I’m safe”, is true. You’re safe to mess up. You’re safe to have your opinion. You’re safe to fail. It’s extremely unlikely that right now you really truly are in danger- even though you may feel that way.
“I’m not where I want to go, but I’m farther than I was. I’ve come a long way.”
“I’m not a kid anymore. I get to choose my own thoughts and not rely on others opinions. I’m an adult.”
“Good things are happening to me.”
“I’m loved and valuable.”
Spend time sitting with the anxiety. Ask yourself where it’s coming from. Ask yourself how to release it. If you a person of faith, you can invite God to show you what’s going on here as well. Or tap in to your intuition.
Understand that your brain is designed to think. Just like your heart is designed to pump blood and your lungs are designed to breathe. You can separate the brain from the part of you that is the mind- the part that’s beyond just thinking- the part of you with your dreams, desires, goals, personality. You mind is calm. Spend more time listening to your mind- the real you. Practice listening to this part and trusting yourself more and more. It might be hard at first, but so worth it.
You can accomplish this through meditation. Spend time meditating every day. 5-20 mins is ideal. You can listen to white noise or a guiding meditation on YouTube. This reprograms your brain to allow the thoughts to take a back seat for a little while.
Get help. I needed help to release my anxiety. I couldn’t do it alone. If you’re having panic attacks, chest pains, insomnia, just can’t relax or stop worrying, etc, see someone. For me, Rapid Transformational Therapy was able to help me rewire my mind and get tons of peace. Whatever you choose to do, know that there’s no shame and you can get help and relief.
Normal anxiety is different than chronic anxiety because it’s a temporary check engine light that is signaling you need to slow down, or shift gears in an area of you life. Or that something scary or sad happened. This is a normal part of life that you shouldn’t avoid or try to get rid of right away. You can use all the techniques listed above for normal anxiety, as well as a few more.
Understand that you aren’t falling back into chronic anxiety if you deal with normal anxiety once in a while. Many people freak out once they get over chronic anxiety and then have a bout of normal anxiety later on. It can trigger feelings of failure and fear. Or even some of the old physical symptoms. But know that it’s not the same. It’s just like pain. It’s a good thing to show you need to change or tweak some things.
If you’re going through a big life change, give yourself grace and love. Divorce, death, sickness and loss of anything- job, animal, kids off to college, someone moves- are all cause for normal anxiety.
Allow yourself time to process
Allow down days
Talk to friends and loved ones
find support. You need it right now
Again, sit and listen to the anxiety- ask yourself what’s off. What needs to change? What areas are out of balance? For me, I tend to get anxious if I haven’t slept well or I’m working too much. Anxiety is my check engine to slow down and take care of myself better.
Honor your body! You were created in this most amazing way! Listen to your body, think about what you’re eating, how you’re sleeping, if you need some exercise.
You may need to set a boundary with a person. Honor yourself in this way. Treat yourself well and choose to be around others who treat you well. If you must be around people who don’t treat you well- as a parent or at work- create support systems to deal with this.
Ask for help! You’re worth taking care of. You have a purpose in this life that anxiety should not be allowed to stop. See what’s going on, get help and keep going toward your goals.
This is long one! Thanks for reading till the end. I really didn’t want to leave anything out. You’re so valuable. Your brain and mind and body are this incredible machine and soul that are created to do great things. You got this!
Like always, if you need help and want to see if RTT sounds like a good fit, go to www.cyrinatalbott.com.
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