When you begin to learn about how and why you behave in the ways you do, you learn that you can choose to go from unwanted behavior, to wanted behavior. From overweight to healthy. From smoker to non smoker. From anxious to calm. The hardest part of the journey is a short amount of time after you let go of the unwanted behavior, and before you’re used to the new wanted behavior. This in between place is something that I’ve begun to call “no man’s land.’ Some scientists call it the ‘dip’, when you can actually feel like you are moving away from your goal, but are totally on your way to your goal.
You’ve left the safety of the familiar. Even if that was not really safe. Your mind felt safe there because it was predictable. Your mind equates predictable with safe. Even if the predictable was eating 5 pieces of cake everyday. Even if familiar was feeling stuck and defeated. There is a false sense of security in what we know.
So now you’ve decided to eat less cake, maybe even no cake. You’ve made it 4 days! But you feel totally frustrated today. Maybe a little scared or wondering what’s going on. It’s so hard. Everyone else gets to eat cake! And of course it’s your birthday and you made this stupid decision to stop eating cake. Who does that?
Technically what’s going on is that in your brain you have neuropathways. Where messages have traveled over and over so much they create a rut. You’ve probably heard this. The messages cause you to feel a certain a way and then you behave a certain way and then you feel a certain way and so on.
Here’s the crazy part. When you go to change a behavior, you begin to carve a new path. The old path actually reaches out to tries to grab the new path and pull it in!! How creepy is that?? So how does anyone actually succeed?
You keep going. Don’t quit. That’s where most people fail. They didn’t see “no man’s land” coming. That’s why it takes 21-30 days, and now some scientist say 40 or 60 days, to create a new habit. I guess that old rut gets tired of reaching out for the new path after that. And your new path is established enough then. You just gotta outlast it! And you totally can. People do all the time.
This is where your imagination and subconscious can help. If your mom ever told you that you’re stubborn or incorrigible, please know that in this case, that is a fabulous trait!! It’s time to get really stubborn and determined about why you want to stop eating cake. Why you need to get over fear of other people and live life. This is where you get clear. Are you doing this for your kids? Are you doing it to feel amazing on vacation in the swimsuit? Or to get off diabetes medication? To not die with your dream still in you? To live instead of survive? Picture all the good you possibly can that will come from changing.
Then picture all the pain that will be there if you stay where you are. Use your imagination. Make it drastic. Your brain loves drama.
You will outlast the “no man’s land” if you simply don’t quit. You know it’ll get hard. But you are ready. You got this.
Rapid Transformational Therapy does this in an efficient and effective way, by accessing your subconscious. If you are struggling with an issue and want to use the power of your subconscious to overcome it, please check out www.cyrinatalbott.com