Most of the time I’m pretty chill. A lot of people call me peaceful even. My kids don’t, but other people do… But one thing that totally gets me angry is when people feel like crap for behaviors that they do that are hurtful to themselves, behaviors that they’re trying to quit. I see clients with debilitating depression, addiction, eating issues, self sabotage, and anxiety, who are blaming themselves for not being strong enough to just be positive or quit the behavior. Maybe you’ve been there. You think, “If I were stronger I wouldn’t be dealing with this, I feel so dumb that I haven’t gotten over this yet. I know better.”
Traditional therapy and psychology are amazing at helping you understand why you’re doing the things you’re doing. But that’s not enough! What good is it to have someone tell you, “Well, I can see why you have anxiety. You had this scary experience when you were three and now your brain is stuck in fight or flight.” Then they send you home!
And you feel like, “Well, that confirms what I already knew. There’s something wrong with me. Now it’s official.” And you get to feel like a broken person the rest of your life. You may learn coping skills, but you’re never given the option to retrain your brain so that you aren’t stuck anymore! That drives me nuts! Or worse, someone gives you advice like ‘Just think positively. Just pray more. It’s all in your head.’ Many people hear that and it just confirms even further the notion that there’s something wrong with them.
The truth is there is NOTHING wrong with you! You responded to an experience in the past in this amazing way that is trying to keep you safe now. If you grew up thinking you weren’t safe, or loved or valuable, your subconscious adopted a behavior to help. Based on the age level you were at when the pain occurred. NOT because you are weak or stupid. I wish I could look you straight in the eyes and say this to you right now. You are brilliant. And your dysfunction is part of that brilliance! There is zero shame! None. Zilch. Nada.
If you had been in a car crash and broken your leg, no one would make you feel like crap because you couldn’t walk. No way. You’d get some major pain killers. You’d also get to watch tv and get waited on hand and foot until you healed enough to be sent home- no matter how long that took. And insurance would pay for it.
But when we have emotional “crashes” in our past, like divorce, abuse, poverty, or trauma, we are expected to keep walking. Can you imagine a first-responder going up to the scene of a car crash and just leaving a person who had been injured. Never treating the wounds? Then a year later, bumping into the person at a grocery store and saying, ”Now your injuries are set, you’ll just have to deal with them the rest of you life. There must be something wrong with you. That’s a bummer, here are some tips for coping with the pain.”
Do you think you’d have a limp after breaking your leg? Of course! Would you say, “Oh, I’m just weak and that’s why I limp.” No! You would know that it’s a miracle you’re even walking! The car crash caused the injury. There is nothing wrong with you. And that’s how I feel about each and every one of my clients who has lived through much worse than a broken leg! It’s amazing you’re here today. Look at what you’ve come out of. You are absolutely amazing!
The reason that scenario would never happen at the scene of a car crash, is because science knows that you must treat physical injuries. The sooner the better. Unfortunately, brain science is way behind. Mostly because the equipment needed to study brains has just been invented in the last 20 years. More is being discovered all the time. What’s being discovered is phenomenal! You can heal from emotional pain. Just like our amazing bodies reconnect bones that break, our brains can reconnect healthy thought patterns that have been broken.
And most importantly to me, there’s no shame in why you do what you do. I will never tire of giving this truth to people. No matter what the issue is, you came by it honestly. Whether it’s an addiction to alcohol or drugs or porn. Or you can’t stop eating. Or you sabotage your life. Or you married an abusive person. Or you isolate and reject love. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re still a healthy, whole, lovable person just waiting to have the injury taken care of.
That’s why in RTT saying “I am enough, “ is so key to getting better. It’s the foundation. You are enough, you can find relief and rewire your brain for success. You are enough, there’s nothing wrong with you! You are enough- look at what you’ve lived through! Look how far you’ve come! You got this!
If you are wanting to know more about Rapid Trasnformational Therapy and how it helps get rid of beliefs that are hurting you, visit www.cyrinatalbott.com
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